We all come with "baggage” from childhood. Sometimes, that baggage is physical… a favorite teddy stuffy, high school yearbooks, or birthday cards we haven’t opened in years. But more often, the baggage is emotional, hardwiring our brains to think and react in certain ways.
And perhaps no where is the messaging more clear than with money.
I grew up in a solidly middle class family with more than enough to live comfortably. But my mother came from a money mindset that we would never be secure… so much so that one of my most embarrassing memories was the day she sent my friend home before dinner, angrily declaring that we “couldn’t afford to feed the neighborhood” (the grand dinner plans? Boxed mac and cheese.). One of my most traumatic memories was the fight that almost led to my parents’ divorce when my dad wanted to help my grandparents out of a financial rough patch. Growing up, I saw her behavior as an expression of reality: If my mom was this worried about our finances, we really must be just one job loss or unexpected bill away from homelessness.
Only as an adult did I realize that it didn’t matter how many zeroes my mom had in her bank account, the real problem was in her mindset. The hoarding of physical possessions that filled multiple storage rooms, a garage, and a 3 bedroom home when she died was simply one facet of the hoarding she had engaged in throughout her life. She truly believed that she didn’t have enough to meet her needs, let alone her wants, and those fears completely consumed her— and because I grew up experiencing it, as an adult I had to undo some pretty extreme programming (thank you, minimalism).
Money is nothing more than a tool. Your bank account balance is not some measure of your self-worth or your contribution to society. It’s a way to meet our basic needs for food and shelter, a way to indulge some of our wants (be it travel, take-out coffee, or the latest gadget), and a way to meet greater needs in our community. But in order to tell our money where to go and put it in alignment with our values, we first have to break down the baggage we have about money and, well, “stuff.”
I’ve spent years doing. the. work. of rewriting my relationship with money to be one of enoughness rather than fear of lack (and, to be honest, I’ll probably be doing this work for the remainder of my life). And I know that for many people, money programming took the form of an equally unhealthy, YOLO mentality that encouraged new vehicles, credit card debt, and excess spending.
Regardless of the money programming you experienced, we are all in need of a little more self-awareness. So here is a workbook to help you on the journey to healing your own money story:
My hope is that this workbook helps you begin to think about the messaging you received about money, the value of physical possessions vs. experiences, and how you’ve brought these mindsets into your adult life. (And know too that our brains are funny! So the same “mac and cheese” memory that was so formative to me might not even be a blip on somebody else’s memory radar). I’ll also be offering you additional resources to create more margin in your life, so when you see me mention that this workbook is all about your feelings around spending money rather than the money you actually spend, that’s why.
Thank you, always, for supporting my work, and I’m curious to hear more about your money programming if you’d like to share!