You may have noticed that I’m on a bit of a kick to ‘detox’ my digital life: A 3-month shopping ban, and a week-by-week ban on social media and the news… all of which, combined, is doing exactly what I intended: Making my phone INCREDIBLY boring.
I have some meta-thoughts about our constant connectivity, but moving into the holiday season, I wanted everything to feel just a little bit ‘lighter’ for a few weeks. So here are 24 suggestions for choosing ‘presence’ as we move into the new year.
Why 24? Well, because we all need just a little bit o’ cheesy. Please don’t undertake all 24 of these simultaneously as some sort of grand experiment (and if you do, definitely write about it!), but maybe pick a few as a definitely-not-a-New-Year’s-resolution practice.
Declutter Your Home, Change Your Life
The holidays are a PERFECT time for ‘out with the old, in with the new.’ So crank up some obnoxious holiday music (I’m a sucker for Jingle Bell Rock, but I won’t judge if you’re more the Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer type) and start clearing the clutter. Try saying ‘see-ya-never’ to the unused kitchen appliances (like automated pan stirrers and fondue pots), extra linens (do you really need more than 1-2 sets per person/ bed?), and books you’ll never read again (yes, I went there).
Create a capsule wardrobe. Clear your closet of clothes that are too big/ too small/ too colorful/ not colorful enough/ too scratchy/too worn out/ too I’m 22 with somewhere exciting to be on New Year’s, or otherwise no longer your style. Keep only the clothes that make you feel supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. If you still feel like you are drowning in textiles, limit your closet to just a handful of favorites and see if you like having fewer decisions to make in the morning. (Also, I firmly believe closets are like the gateway drugs of minimalism.. you see the difference and you’re hooked).
Protect your space from holiday junk. Ideally, the loved ones in your life will have respected your holiday wishes for less. But even if you find yourself stuck with a plethora of plastic junk and gag gifts from Amazon— don’t store these unwanted things for years just because they were presents. Choose to donate or re-home these items before they become dust magnets… and plan for more intentional conversations about the holidays next year. (And if you want a good laugh, check out “The Don’t Buy More Sh*t Gift Guide” by
).If you’re a parent, try reducing your kiddo’s toys. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed looking at your little one’s space, chances are your kiddo is too. Limit toys to just the number that your little one can manageably clean up themselves— you can always use toy rotation to keep things interesting. As Joshua Becker of Becoming Minimalist noted, “I’m not anti-toy. I’m just pro-child.” Here’s his explanation of why fewer toys will benefit your kids, and my own guide to being intentional with children’s toys.
Challenge Your Relationship with Consumerism
Join me in a… cue the dance party music… SHOPPING BAN! I’m currently in the middle of a 3 month shopping ban (you can read the announcement here), and if you’re looking for some practical support, you can check out my new guest post on No Sidebar with some super practical tips to set yourself up for success.
If you aren’t feeling an all-out ban, try taking control of your finances. What would life look like if you were more intentional about how much you spent on clothing, books, or coffee? There are some great workbooks— including Healing Your Money Story and Tackling Your Purchasing Weak Spots— to get you started here.
Commit to buying less but better. Make an effort to pay the true price of a product and choose ‘buy it for life’ products whenever possible.
While you’re at it, find ways to better shop your values, from buying fair trade, supporting small businesses, or giving up Amazon.
Practice Soul Care
As a reminder, shopping is not self-care. But here’s a few things that are.
Sit with your thoughts. Maybe this means meditation, or taking up a journaling practice. Maybe it means sitting outside in the silence. But do something that forces you to be still with yourself… no multi-tasking, music, or phones. What comes up?
Move your body. Find something that gets you moving your body in a way that feels good to you. Stretch, go for a walk, dance around your kitchen, train for a 5k… whatever makes you feel connected to your human form. Of course, everybody is differently abled, so no need to compare your routine to others.
Create something. We spend so much of our days consuming— shopping, reading the news, scrolling social media, checking e-mails. Try creating literally anything, just for the fun of it. Write a story. Paint a picture. Bake cookies. Try your hand at pottery or paper mache. You don’t have to be objectively ‘good’ at whatever you are creating to get all the positive feelings from it.
Practice Gratitude. Maybe it’s a Marie-Kondo style practice of thanking the physical items in your life for caring for you. Or maybe you write a list of events, communities, or people you are grateful for. I’m still a novice at formal gratitude practices, but I have found that expressing gratitude even in ‘sucky’ situations has been such a healing practice.
Make Space for Human Connections
Find ways to invite friends and loved ones into the mess of everyday life. Can you invite a neighbor over for an impromptu dinner? Grab a last-minute coffee with a friend? Host all the cousins for a rambunctious game night? If you let go of the expectation that your home will be spotless (better get to scrubbing those baseboards!) and your menu will be meticulously planned, you will open your home more frequently to connect with loved ones. Joanna Goddard of Cup of Jo (who also runs the delightful Substack
) has highlighted before the power of the ‘messy house friend.’— a connection you want to grow even and especially when things aren’t ‘perfect.’
Find something that connects you to others IRL. Listen, the Internet is great for connecting you with like-minded people (and endless trolls) around the globe. But in the midst of a friendship crisis, a loneliness epidemic, and the growing sentiment that social media kinda sucks, try finding an organization or group you can meet up with face-to-face. I’m not promising you’ll find your new BFF while volunteering for your favorite organization or attending a game night at the library, but it’s worth the effort.
Create a manageable family tradition. Family traditions don’t have to be big affairs to be memorable. Try declaring Friday nights ‘pizza and game night’ or have a special cinnamon roll breakfast on snow days. In families with ‘swing shift’ schedules (my family is one), maybe you’re less married to the day of the week, but you build in something special once a week or month. (This is also great for beating the post-holiday winter blues!).
Get Intentional About Your Digital Life
Simplify your digital life: Get yourself to Inbox Zero (this will literally never happen for me, but I’m rooting for you!), ‘unsubscribe’ mercilessly from companies you no longer want to hear from, go through your messages, and delete the dozens of ‘just in case’ screenshots from the past year.
Take a social media sabbatical by picking one day a week to stay ‘off’ of all media apps. Alternatively, try the opposite: Pick one day a week you CAN use social media, and abstain the other six (I’m not all about spoiling the forthcoming super-secret details about my social media ban, but I think this is what I will ultimately choose to do moving forward)
Unsubscribe from e-mails from organizations and retailers you are no longer interested in. Chances are, you won’t miss the endless sale offers— your favorite retailers will likely be running the same 30% off again next week! Best discount you’ll see all weekend!… only to run it again on Monday. If you’re really worried about it though, try sending your retail e-mails to a different folder, or even a different e-mail address altogether.
Figure out which notification settings make you more ‘present’ in real life: Plenty of people swear by putting all phone notifications on silent. So far, I’ve had more success with unsubscribing from all automated-type texts and making my ringer WAY loud (like, impossible-to-not-hear-it-borderline-obnoxious-loud) for text alerts from family. I’ve had a few ‘oh my gosh get this thing on silent’ moments (like when a family member-who-shall-not-be-named goes on a photo-liking spree…). But this has been a game-changer for letting me focus on the present + being assured I’m not missing anything time-sensitive.
Make a Slow Living Shift
(Yes, I’m fully aware that this is indented when NO other headline is, and it’s driving me up a wall too. But I’ve spent 20 minutes trying to fix it and I’m ready to just click ‘publish,’ so if your holiday present to me could be ignoring it— and/ or subscribing— that would be super duper wonderful! 😂).
Recognize the deep impact that emotional labor has on your and your loved ones’ lives. If you’re looking for a primer on the concept, I highly recommend Rose Hackman’s book, Emotional Labor (Bookshop affiliate link here). But in a society that is constantly telling you to chase accolades, make the effort to see caregiving as a valid form of labor. The emotional ‘work’ you do— whether it’s snuggling with a tearful toddler or caring for an aging relative—is every bit as valuable as something that earns a paycheck (even if it doesn’t come with a plastic performance award at the company party). In the context of paid work, recognize too the effort you put into putting others at ease, from the customer service smile to the barista’s casual “There’s an option for a tip, but no pressure! (Except that your tip is literally how I feed my family, which is totally 100% reasonable from a company making billions of dollars in the richest country in the world).”
In a society that is constantly telling you to chase accolades, make the effort to see caregiving as a valid form of labor.
Find one task you can do with more ‘presence’: I’m not necessarily asking you to start baking your own bread (let alone grow your own wheat, collect your own eggs, or run a full-blown homesteading operation out of your basement). But try building in a few extra minutes so dinner prep is less rushed (and maybe less packaged!), watch your favorite TV show without multi-tasking, or wake up 10 minutes earlier to enjoy your coffee in the quiet.
Ask for extra support. Listen, I know this is easier said than done. The last thing that you want to do is ask for someone to take something off your plate, then have to remind, nag, or offer a full-blown ‘how-to’ guide from the sidelines. But what if you found the wiggle room in your budget for monthly house-cleaning? Or had a meal prep day with friends, so everyone’s freezers are stocked full of soup and pot pie? (This is seriously the best).
Evaluate your calendar commitments. The goal here isn’t necessarily to reduce the number of activities and events your family partakes in— although that’s certainly an option. But check in to see if you are spending time on things that matter to you. Do you leave PTA meetings feeling emotionally drained? Opt out. Do you love grabbing dinner with friends, but haven’t found the time in months? See what you can shift to open up your schedule.
Try creating a rhythm. One of the more helpful pieces of advice I found in early motherhood— that applies to everyone, parent or not— is to establish “rhythms and anchors.” Instead of following a strict schedule, create routines based off things that are going to happen anyway. For example, making coffee in the morning becomes an anchor to remind you to unload the dishwasher. Or putting the kiddos to sleep is an anchor for putting laundry in the wash, that you move to the dryer right before bed. Creating a loose flow of your day— rather than a strict schedule— helps you automate household tasks (less decision fatigue for everyone!) without being married to a rigid timeframe.
I’ll be signing off next week to recharge and enjoy the holidays with family, but I’ll be back in your inbox the first week of January. Have a peaceful, wonderful holiday season.