Intentional spending > 'buy-bans'

Strategies to shift your relationship with shopping for good

In the wake of the Economic Blackout and ongoing boycotts of Amazon, Target, and other big retailers, the last thing many of us want to do is pivot right back into spending. I’m no stranger to buy bans, and I’ll cheer you on if that’s what feels right for you in this season (I even have a guide to set yourself up for success in a shopping ban!). But, as Virginia Sole-Smith so eloquently noted, “the revolution is not a crash diet.” And ‘buy nothing for the rest of my life’ isn’t exactly a realistic or desirable approach over the long term. So in addition to pivoting our dollars to shop small/secondhand/local, here are a handful of other ways to be more intentional with our resources that don’t involve feelings of complete deprivation:

Make purchases at a set time

My favorite system for household purchases is to set aside a specific time once a week to cross things off my to-do list. When this system is functioning as intended, I spend about 30 minutes building and checking out any online carts: Grocery pick up, grocery and household orders from Thrive/ Imperfect Foods/ Grove, etc. This is intended to purchase necessities, not browse.

Less frequently, I’ll try to meet a particular upcoming need. For example, at the start of a season, I’ll go through my kiddo’s clothes to see what fits for the upcoming season both from their closet and from our hand-me-down basket. Anything I need to ‘fill in’ for their wardrobe happens then, so I’m not tempted to constantly browse. This is manageable because we maintain a capsule wardrobe for all three kiddos— you may remember, for example, that our youngest’s wardrobe consists of nothing but 4 onesies + 4 pants + 2-4 PJs at a time (details here).

Buy what you want… once a month/ quarter, etc.

I’ve done several Buy Nothing challenges, including one that lasted three months. I think there’s value to everybody trying a ‘Buy Nothing’ period at least once (if nothing else, it’s a great way to reset your idea of ‘need’ vs. ‘want’). But if you’re constantly committing yourself to ‘buy nothing,’ it might begin to feel like deprivation.

The coolest alternative I’ve heard to literally buying nothing is to commit yourself to one ‘treat’ purchase every defined amount of time. For example, screenshot alllll the pretty things for three months, then decide which ONE is your favorite (ie. would you rather have a new Stanley or a new sweatshirt?). Purchase it without any guilt. You still get to treat yourself, but more intentionally. Plus, this approach can help you budget for your fun purchase AND enjoy the experience the joy of ‘anticipating’ what you want.

Borrow before you buy

Many of our needs are fundamentally transitory: The baby bouncer and bassinet that get used for only a few months before being passed on, the power washer that comes out maybe once a year. Ask around before adding to cart on these items; in many cases, friends and neighbors would be delighted to share.

For example, I needed a three-hole punch not too long ago, and after a quick text to my dad, he brought his (the same one I used all through school, the memories!) over for me to borrow the next time he visited. I will probably never own a three-hole punch because I know that borrowing it is only a short walk away.

Similarly, we are the depository of baby gear (travel crib, travel stroller, travel high chair— you get the gist!) that our friends and cousins borrow whenever they go on an adventure. We use these items plenty ourselves, but it’s significantly more satisfying to watch these items travel with our loved ones than see them gathering dust in our closets. Plus, there’s something strangely cool about knowing that my kiddo’s travel crib made it to visit Asia before I have.

And if you’re the neighbor who already has all these goodies, please preemptively offer. It’s as simple as “Hey, we have a bunch of yard tools/ saws and drills/ etc. if you ever need to borrow something!” Anecdotally, I’ve found that people are generally hesitant to believe they can actually ask for something until I’ve offered it a couple times.

Keep it in your cart for 24/48/36 hours

I do not give a rat’s tail if Amazon arbitrarily declares that a vacuum cleaner is “-24%” from its retail price. The manufactured deal will come around again. For all but the most basic of necessities— please don’t think the 24 hour rule applies to toothpaste— give yourself some breathing room to decide if you really need something, or if you have already have something you could just as easily use.

This breathing room also gives you the time to see if you can borrow instead of buy, check with your local Buy Nothing group, and triple check that you don’t own the item already.

Use ‘er up before you buy more

Obviously, there are some things that are purchased in semi-bulk. You would never, for example, purchase toilet paper one square at a time. I’m not suggesting that you let the absolute basics— toilet paper, dish soap, and first aid supplies— fully ‘hit the pan’ before you replenish.

But all the ‘nice to haves'? The perfumes, lotions, candles, makeup supplies? Use ‘em up! Once you’ve exhausted your existing supply of these goodies, you can always repurchase your favorites. Or decide that you didn’t really need the lip liner anyway, your call.

Stop Browsing. Really.

I try to avoid stores with my kiddos in tow (you may recall the great piggy meltdown of 2023), not only because it’s necessary for my sanity, but also because it’s not very likely that you will want something you don’t know exists. Ditto for us as adults. If I’m not browsing, then I won’t see the perfectly colored throw blanket or the must-have sweater— and chances are, I’ll be a lot happier with the things I already own. Think about shopping (both online and in-store) like the GetGo motto: Get in, Get Out, Get Going.

This strategy may also mean that you become more comfortable paying shipping costs when you need something instead of browsing to meet the order minimum for ‘free shipping.’ If that feels anxiety inducing to you (I know it does to me!) you can also use online small businesses that are ‘one stop shops’ for multiple brands: Earth Hero has dozens of home goods/cleaning/ personal care brands, Sprout Babies is a one-stop shop for baby and toddler gear, you get the idea. (You’re also more likely to meet order minimums for free shipping if you’re using the ‘once a quarter’ shopping method).

Declutter (+ make your storage intuitive)

Many times when we’re feeling frustrated with some material aspect of our lives— None of my clothes feel good! There are toys everywhere! My house doesn’t feel ‘cozy!’— we assume that the solution is to buy something new. But sometimes what that frustrated feeling is actually screaming is that it’s time to simplify. Sure, you might need some new jeans, but you also might just need to get rid of all the jeans that didn’t actually fit. You might need an organization system for all the toys, but you also might just need to get rid of all the toys your little ones don’t use. Plus, I’m no neuroscientist, but I’m pretty sure that decluttering gives the same dopamine hit that shopping does— without the hit to the planet or your wallet.

If you’re in the process of decluttering, I’d also really encourage you to do some basic organizing. For years, I believed minimalist bloggers who told me that you ‘shouldn’t’ need better organization if you just got rid of enough things. A decade and three kiddos later… I’m here to say you definitely need the organization.

You will quickly lose track of the things you already own if they are haphazardly strewn through your house. I think this concept probably deserves a post unto itself, but to keep things simple: Put all your spare cleaning supplies in the same cabinet. Ditto for all your crafting supplies, all your sports gear, all your seasonal clothes or decor. And if you are storing hand-me-downs for children, you will literally lose your mind (likely somewhere between the 18-month onesies and the 3T snow pants) if you don’t create a system for finding these things easily.

Use a Gratitude Practice

I once heard something to the effect of: Imagine what would happen if you lost everything you didn’t give thanks for. There is so much in our life— the people in our life, our health or mobility, our unique skills— that we sometimes forget to appreciate. But I think we also sometimes forget to appreciate the sheer abundance that surrounds us. We live in an age of material over-abundance (to the detriment, of course, of our communities and the planet) that our great-grandparents never would have fathomed. If you have running water and a heated home, that’s a blessing. If you have a washing machine and a working refrigerator, you are living a fundamentally different life from your ancestors of the 1800s. It’s so easy to get caught up in wanting more that we forget to be thankful for what we have.

That gratitude practice can take plenty of forms. Marie Kondo, for example, famously thanks objects for their service as she declutters. I think it’s easy to laugh at the idea of thanking your sneakers for protecting your feet, but I wonder if it changes our heart posture to say this ‘thank you’ out loud every once in a while. And when we’re thankful for what we have, it makes us really re-evaluate whether we need more.