What Can We Learn from Buy Nothing Groups?

How Community Giving Re-Writes Our Collective "Stuff" Story

The Buy Nothing Project is a global model of person-to-person, community based giving. The project started as local Facebook groups (which is where most Buy Nothing groups still exist), although the project is also available on a global app. Altogether, there are more than 230,000 Buy Nothing communities with millions of members making “gives” and “asks” for things they need or want.

As an admin of my local Buy Nothing group for three years, I was reflecting this past week on the lessons I think we can take from Buy Nothing groups and other models of community giving.

We can lean in to the transitory nature of our possessions

So many things in our life exist for a temporary, specific purpose: The loaf pans for your short-lived sourdough hobby. The ‘starter’ sports or music equipment that you upgrade for better performance. The wore-’em-once special event outfit.

This is especially true if you have children. The baby swing in your living room will be outgrown in a matter of months, the baby booties get maybe two wears. The backyard swing and the bike will get a few years, but even then, it’s not intended to be in your life forever.

There are some products, of course, that can seriously extend the usefulness of your possessions. I’m thinking, for example, of the iconic Stokke Tripp Trapp, a chair that can extend from babyhood to adulthood. But for the most part, it doesn’t matter how many hours you spent researching the item, how carefully you selected it, or how much money you or a loved one spent on it— it’s only in your life for a few years.

We could store these things in our attic for 20 years, waiting for safety standards to render the car seats and baby cribs obsolete. Or we can go ahead and lean in to the idea that these things aren’t meant to be in our lives forever.

More importantly, our excess is an opportunity for generosity. When I was pregnant with my oldest, a neighbor gave us several boxes of baby clothes. We were just a few weeks into the pandemic, and after a few quick messages on a neighborhood Facebook group (this pre-dated our Buy Nothing group), they waved from the porch as I fought back hormone-and-gratitude fueled tears loading two years worth of baby clothing into the back of my car. Those clothes have gone on to be used by my two girls as well as a handful of other little kids in the years since.

Some of the most impactful gives I’ve seen have been ones that were deeply sentimental. In the past year, we’ve had at least five wedding gowns gifted in our 3,000 person group, as well as a handful of bridesmaids dresses offered up for Homecoming or Prom. My grandma’s China set— much loved by her, far too delicate for us— found a new home with an 8 year old hosting ‘mommy-and-me’ teas in her neighborhood. Of course, I’m not suggesting you give up every sentimental attachment in your life. But if you’re feeling the urge for a little bit less in your life, consider the joy a neighbor might get from your generosity.

We are drowning in things we don’t actually use

Every day, my local Buy Nothing group sees dozens of new posts (and on busy weekends, that number is sometimes in the hundreds). I will say that my Buy Nothing group is, at least anecdotally, more bustling than most in our area. But I’m inclined that even people who aren’t Buy Nothing members are probably getting rid of the same volume of things, just throwing things away or depositing these items at the local thrift store instead of using person-to-person community giving.

We see our fair share of outgrown kids’ gear, re-homed decorations, and garage clean-outs. Some of the most interesting gives, though, are the brand-new ones— because of the story I think it tells about our collective buying habits.

Every once in a while, someone will gift a brand-new item with a face-palm emoji 🤦‍♀️, letting everyone know that a return window was missed. But given the serious surge in brand-new offerings in the weeks after the holiday season, I’m inclined to believe that some of this gifting is the result of unwanted holiday presents. (Time to re-think our gift-giving habits, perhaps?)

The other brand-new gifts our group most often sees? Kitchen gadgets and clothing. Do you really need 3 Crock Pots or that George Foreman collecting dust, still in a box? What about the new-with-tags sweaters you swore you would wear one day, or the brand-new jeans that never fit quite right? It’s okay if you don’t feel quite ready to part with these items, but when you are, your neighbors will benefit from your excess.

As I wrote last year for Becoming Minimalist, being willing to pass on these items also comes with personal benefits: “If I stop thinking about physical possessions—even those I paid for, clean, and repair—as ‘mine,’ I break free from the consumer cycle of chasing more expensive, more luxurious, or simply more things in search of happiness.”

(P.S. Many gifted items, too, are promotional in nature— I don’t care what your marketing team thinks, nobody actually wants your company logo emblazoned on a t-shirt or coffee mug. Try giving your employees a pay raise or a nice gift card instead).

Yes, I am this happy when I get rid of things— never promised I was normal. 😂

Try Imagining a Second Life for your “Single-Use”

I may be biased, but the gifts that make my heart extra happy are “borrows” and the gifts of things that could easily be thrown in the trash but instead find a second (or third) home. We’ve seen canvases gifted to be painted over, egg cartons for crafts, and moving boxes galore.

My girls’ birthdays are frequently decked out with centerpieces, banners, and even balloon arches— all from my Buy Nothing group. While I will say it’s not for the faint of heart to load a fully assembled balloon arch into the back of a car, it’s an incredible feeling to know that somebody’s else otherwise throw-away birthday supplies get a prolonged life.

You probably don’t need those ‘just in case’ items

I’m always surprised by the number of people who immediately step in to fill an ‘ask,’ particularly in situations of serious need. My group has fully furnished new living situations for victims of domestic abuse, we’ve equipped foster families with toys and clothes for wide age ranges, and we’ve met literally thousands of asks, large and small, over just the last few years.

It’s incredibly generous— and, indeed, the point of Buy Nothing groups— to offer up your excess possessions. But if I have the spare things to eagerly offer up as soon as I am asked, then chances are I wasn’t using them in the first place. After all, people rarely give the literal shirt off their backs.

We keep these ‘just in case’ items for a variety of reasons (so. many. reasons. I’ll have to do a full write-up on this soon!): We worry about the cost of replacing items, or we don’t want to “lose” the money we already spent purchasing an item (often forgetting in the process the financial— and emotional— cost of storing and maintaining items). We bought these jeans or that musical instrument for an idealized version of ourselves that we don’t feel ready to give up. We have trouble consciously keeping track of the last time we used the ski equipment in the garage, or we flat-out forget about the spare hand mixer collecting dust in the cupboard. Sometimes, too, keeping just in case items can be a trauma response to financial insecurity or childhood instability.

Of course, there’s a difference between ‘just in case’ and ‘just for when.’ I keep the spare roll of toilet paper ‘just for when’ I inevitably run out (likely sooner rather than later). But if I, without a single crafty bone in my body, start randomly hoarding oil pastels— that’s probably a ‘just in case’ sort of issue.

Of course, it’s not ideal to throw your unwanted items in a dumpster— but similarly, you don’t want to let these items sit unused in storage until they become outdated or unusable. I saw this firsthand when my mother died. While we were removing literally thousands upon thousands of items from my mom’s garage, attic, and storage areas, a neighbor going for a run stopped because she spotted a giant cardboard box stuffed with notebooks, colored pencils, and other school supplies. She was a teacher, she told me rather earnestly, and could she have them for her classroom? At the time, I was a classroom teacher as well— and of the many heartbreaks that week, I still think about the look on her face when I told her the entire box of school supplies had been rendered unusable by mouse droppings and well over a decade in a musty attic.

Instead of storing your junk for a ‘just in case’ day that may never come, try seeing what needs— and wants— you can meet with these items in your own community.

Community is a key to resilience

A number of economic events over the past few years— from the toll of the Covid-19 pandemic to oh-so-sticky inflation— have strained millions of budgets, particularly for the working and middle classes. But even without these extreme events, medical bills (well, mostly if you’re American), loss of a paycheck, or other unexpected events can send you into a financial or logistical spiral.

I’ve seen members of our group help strangers haul washing machines or move apartments, and come through with groceries when someone is struggling to make it to pay day. The Buy Nothing platform doesn’t exist as a charity; items aren’t given based on need alone. But more importantly, the group maintains that everyone has something to offer others— even if the gifts are gifts of time or knowledge rather than physical items.

Of course, Buy Nothing groups are far from the only way to connect with other members of the community. But I think they are illustrative of the ways that we can create models of community support. With so many other cultural shifts (like the loss of third spaces, which I’ve written about previously), it can be harder to find places of community support. But what would our neighborhoods look like with more built-in networks for connection? If we had daddy-and-me play groups, robust senior social centers, and neighborhood barbecues?

Are you a member of a Buy Nothing group? If not, you can find your local group here. Happy Gifting!

And ALSO. This Friday, March 1st is the Global Day of Unplugging, a chance to power down your tech for 24 hours. Logistically, I’m not able to participate this year, but I’d love to hear about it if you do!